Street Fighting Man
by EtoilesNoires
Summary: After hearing another one of James's Quidditch epics, Remus gets Sirius to find a way to humble their good friend. Unfortunately, this way happens to be a Muggle fight. Marauder fourth-year.
1. Chapter 2

**All characters and settings belong to J.K. Rowling. And there might be a quote that belongs to William Goldman. Title comes from a song by The Rolling Stones. Art by Burdge Bug.**

Lily Evans has had it.

Gryffindor just beat Hufflepuff in yet another Quidditch match. Shortly after the euphoria of her House's victory, Lily notices James Potter running laps around the field, broomstick held above his head, bellowing enthusiastic nonsense. Lily looks down. No doubt will that James Potter have the nerve to ask her out on another date. All of a sudden, he has become quite keen on this, probably because his best friend, Sirius Black, physically matured right before their third year, and is quite jealous that someone completely uninterested gets all the girls now.

Lily slyly turns and walks away from the Quidditch stands, past some rowdy Gryffindors, discouraged Hufflepuffs, and many confused Ravenclaws and Slytherins, unsure of for whom they should cheer. She lifts her dark red hair out of her almond-shaped, bright green eyes and makes her way back to the castle, hoping to catch up with her closest friend, Severus Snape, a Slytherin at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. She sighs. He must have already gone back into the castle, immensely annoyed with Gryffindor's triumph.

 _Oh, well. At least the walk's not bad,_ Lily thinks, slightly lifting her hand to feel the warming spring air and bits of dandelion fuzz. It is a very nice walk. Quiet, too. Being the youngest in her family as well as one of the several Gryffindor four-years, she rarely gets time to herself. While she thinks this, she looks apologetically at Hagrid's hut and feels guilty about having not visited the gamekeeper in weeks. Well, last week she tried but as she stepped through the familiar door, James Potter and Sirius Black just stared at her as if they had seen nothing like her, so she smiled, waved, and left. She might stop by later and explain her quick departure.

"Evans! Evans! EVANS!"

Lily shakes her head and gazes forward yet blankly, speeding up.

"EVANS!"

She is running.

"Hey! Wait!" James Potter now jogs by her side, pulling at her sleeve. He is still in his Quidditch uniform, his broom slung over his shoulder, his hazel eyes dancing, his untidy hair covered in dirt and reeking sweat. Apparently, that untidy hair is a typical Potter trait. Lily pities whatever woman's genes are tainted with it. "Evans! Did you see the Quidditch match? Boy, we sure did well! Did you see my goal? I was even surprised myself-I don't think I've ever thrown from that far! What… Evans?"

"Save your breath, please," she mutters, trying to open the castle door. It is locked. She softly curses.

"As you wish. Oh, and that door's locked." Potter slouches and scoots away, turning back towards the Quidditch field.

At least he could have been a gentleman and unlocked the door for Lily. She angrily takes out her wand and mumbles "Alohomora!"


	2. Chapter 3

The following week, no one at Hogwarts goes anywhere without hearing bits and pieces of James Potter recollecting Gryffindor's great victory to anyone who will listen. Even Potter's friends have had it.

Remus Lupin snaps at lunch. "OK, we've heard enough!" he says in the midst of Potter's climax being retold to Peter Pettigrew. James pauses slightly, but then rolls his eyes.

"Have you even tried to throw a Quaffle from that far? No, I don't think so!" he claims, crouching closer to Pettigrew in order to finish the seemingly-endless story.

Lupin turns to Black, who happens to moodily stab his food, accidentally elbowing Lily, who tries to scoot even further from him."You've got to do something about this. You're the only one who can get him to stop showing off!" Lupin whispers. Black straightens up, meets Lupin's eyes, and curtly nods.

Before he can thank him, Black shakes back his dark hair and sarcastically announces: "You know, Remus, I _totally_ think I can beat James Potter in a fight."

There is a dead silence from every House and member of staff in the Great Hall.

"What?" Potter demands. " _You_ think that _you_ can beat _me_ in a _fight?"_ Black shrugs. Potter roars with laughter as the conversations start up again. "But, you're so _posh!"_

"What's that supposed to mean?" Black says with a jolt. Potter raises his arms in surrender.

"That means, I can beat you in a fight!"

"A _Muggle_ fight," Black adds, his face contorting. "You know those?"

"It can't be hard at all! They rely on physical strength, which I have, endurance, which I have, agility, which I have-"

"Well, I look forward to me seeing you try to beat me in a Muggle fight. Next weekend by the Black Lake?" he asks, holding out his hand. Potter shakes it.

As Black goes back to class and Lupin sorts his books, Potter throws his arm around Pettigrew. "Oh, Pete, this is just too easy!"

Lily rolls her eyes. "This is absolutely ridiculous!" she mutters, looking around to make sure that none of the other Gryffindors hear her. Lupin always declines authority. Black is his rash and immature self. Potter will continue to boast and brag. Pettigrew will indulge him.

 _What a mess,_ Lily thinks as she rushes to Potions, today a class combined with Gryffindors and Slytherins.


	3. Chapter 4

Once it seems the entire class finishes their potions, Professor Slughorn goes around the dungeon to grade everyone's work. "Is everything alright, Ms. Evans?" he asks after he reaches Lily's desk.

"I wish I had a better understanding of the male gender, Professor," she says. Black tilts his chair back and falls as Lupin shakes his head in a mix of disappointment and severity. Potter and Pettigrew are seated far away from them, Pettigrew looking smug and Potter looking as if he is trying to force down annoyance. Today, Severus does not even sit in Lily's general vicinity-what has gotten into him? "See, they're such confusing creatures, don't you think?

"I'm afraid I cannot be much of a help, Ms. Evans!" he laughs. "I was a boy long ago, you know."

"I guess," she adds, looking back again. Potter waves at her. Severus glares at Potter. Pettigrew needs Potter's attention. Potter, Potter, Potter!

"Evans! Evans! Evans! Look, I did it! We got similar marks! Wow, we would make a great team, wouldn't we?" Potter insists.

Lily cocks her head to Professor Slughorn and sarcastically raises her eyebrows. He chuckles off to the next student.


	4. Chapter 5

After school, Lily visits Hagrid.

She wanders down to his hut in the cool, drizzling afternoon, huddling in her school robes, the damp air making her thick hair frizzy. She steps up to the door and politely knocks. After hearing a clumsy shuffle of various household objects, Hagrid swings the door open widely and greets Lily with such a kind smile and loving glint in his dark eyes.

"Why hello, Lily!" he exclaims, allowing her through the doorway. "How's it goin'? It's been awhile, hasn' it?"

"I-I came to say how sorry I am for leaving so suddenly the last time I-him? What's he doing here?" she quietly gasps, weakly pointing at Black.

Hagrid laughs. "Oh, c'mon, Lily! He won' bite!"

"I guarantee nothing," Black says and shakes back his dark hair, and lets out a bark-like laugh. His face relaxes at Lily's unimpressed expression, and scoots over. "Here, I'll make room. Please, sit down!"

"Thank you," she mumbles, wrinkling her nose, but for no reason: Black actually smells _good,_ like clear nights. Potter stinks of mud and rain, Lupin has a stench of fresh laundry, and Pettigrew just reeks.

"Las' time yeh were here, yer sister was givin' yeh some trouble. Is she still?"

She pauses. "She's taken to ignoring me over holidays, which, I don't mind, at least she's not reminding me how 'abnormal' I am. I kind of miss it, though…"

Black snorts. "I didn't know you have a sister!" he says.

"Yeah, She's a bit older than me, and she doesn't go to Hogwarts," she replies softly. "My parents have been very supportive of my education, only there's a lot they still don't understand."

"Ah. Glad to hear. Sirius, o'er there…" Hagrid does not finish his sentence. He lowers and shakes his head.

"Oh, what's wrong?" Lily asks.

"Similar situation, I guess," Black begins. "Only, my family is quite _Pureblood."_

"One o' the wealthiest, oldest, and purest of them all," Hagrid adds in disgust.

Lily widens her eyes. She would have never guessed by Black's behavior towards absolutely _everything._ She guesses she always thought he came from a Wizarding family like Potter's. "I-I didn't know," she mumbles, finding a newfound sympathy, but he just lets out a bark-like laugh.

"Blimey, I though' ye'd know more about each other!" Hagrid laughs. "Yeh've been in school for wha', four years now? Yeh two are quite similar-why have yeh kept away?"

Lily blinks in surprise. Yes, they might have some similarities, but she does not consider herself rebellious, sarcastic, cocky, or brooding, unlike Black, who fits that description perfectly. _Oh no, what does he think of me?_ she thinks, glancing over slightly, yet he still stares at her like he has never witnessed a girl before.

"Well, thank you, Hagrid," Lily announces, standing up to go back to the castle for dinner. "I best be going."

"I should too," Black wonders aloud. "Thanks."

"No, before yeh go, wha' is goin' on with yeh and James?" Hagrid asks. "Remus came down jus' the other day, and he told me tha' yeh were goin' to fight?"

Black looks back. "Well, I, ah, apparently, I'm the only one who can get James to stop when things get into his, ah, head." He shrugs.

"I feel like there is some good inside that boy, past the layers and layers of arrogance and idiocy," Lily says before she can stop herself. "Whoops!"

They tumble out of Hagrid's hut. "That was the nicest thing I've ever heard you say about James!" Black proclaims. Lily steps in front of him.

"If you tell ANYONE about my feelings for Potter, I swear, I WILL confirm that Remus Lupin saw you naked."

He nearly falls over in intimidation. "You wouldn't dare!"

 _I should have let this go. I thought this one would be more observant._ "You heard me. Do not repeat this." She sticks a finger to his chest. "You comprehend?"

"Seriously, you and James?" he asks. "I mean, all this blackmailing surely proves how you're meant for each other! So sorry," he mutters, moving away from her. _Is he scared of me?_

Lily pauses then lazily raises her arm. "Tag. You're it," she says, lightening the mood, running away from Black.

"What?" he shouts, chasing after her. He actually is a very unattractive runner: his walk is typically a lope, yet he runs like he is being hunted down by Aurors. Potter runs pretty well, though. Sometimes, if she wakes up early enough, she sees him prance around the castle grounds, making sure he is in top physique for Quidditch. _Stop thinking about Potter!_

"You can't catch me!" Lily chants, laughing as she slips through the castle doors.

"Gotcha!" Black whispers, latching onto Lily's wrist as they enter the Great Hall.

"Nope, doesn't count," she says. "We're inside. Game's over."

Suddenly, Black lets go of Lily's wrist because James stares at them in complete jealousy.


	5. Chapter 6

Which makes Transfiguration the next day quite awkward, since they have class with just the Gryffindors. Lily walks in and sits by the window, close to Marlene McKinnon, who looks to the back of the room at Black, and Mary Macdonald, who shakes her head in annoyance. Lupin sits up in front next to Pettigrew because Professor McGonagall designated a special spot for him, and Lupin is just kind enough to help when he starts to slip.

The classroom door dramatically opens. Everyone tenses, thinking that it is Professor McGonagall, but only James Potter walks through. There is something different in his walk-instead of his usual exited spring like a fawn, he casually strides, or at least, tries to. "Why, hullo, Lily!" he says, but has dropped his eager tone and replaced it with a softer, more sophisticated one. As Potter sets down his book on Lily's desk, he shakes back his hair yet his hair is short and untidy, it only twitches. Lily puts her hand over her mouth and gapes. Potter is clearly attempting to emulate _Black._

 _So I tell the truth?_ she thinks. _No, this is just too good._

"You might not know this, Lily, but I have other strengths besides Quidditch," Potter says, He pulls off his long school robes, throws them over the desk (but they hang over and fall in a clump under his chair). Rolling up the sleeves of his school shirt, he crouches on the classroom floor and does push-ups right under Lily's nose. She blushes between fits of laughter.

Right then, Professor McGonagall enters the classroom, immediately staring at Potter. "Get up, Potter. Now is not mating season."

The other students laugh except for Black, who looks uneasy. Potter hesitates, gets up, and runs his hands down his skinny sides and seductively smirks at Lily. Professor McGonagall turns scarlet. "Potter, sit down NOW. Also, must I give you yet another detention for disobeying dress code?"

"As you wish," Potter says, sinking down in the seat next to Lily's and pulling on his school robes.

"Alright, let's begin." As Professor McGonagall checks attendance, she rolls her eyes. "Black, why are you all the way in the corner when the rest of your House is up towards the front?"

Black straightens up. "I prefer not to, Professor. You see, I-cannot." He quickly nods, eyes darting from Lily and Potter to Professor McGonagall.

She is not impressed. "What prevents you from moving a few yards?"

"I just came from Divination, and my tea leaves read that I mustn't sit near doors." He grins.

"Just move up here! Right behind Evans, there you go," she scolds as he makes his way to the front of the classroom, his head hung low and embarrassed.

"Why does Lily get everything?" Marlene pouts.

Professor McGonagall has had it.


	6. Chapter 7

"What's gotten into him?" Lupin demands as the Gryffindors make their way to Astronomy. Black basically scampers up to the tower. "Something strange must've happened at Hagrid's hut!"

"Maybe he's in love," Pettigrew suggests, looking to James for agreement. James is clearly disinterested. Lily stifles a laugh, a break from listening to Mary and Marlene quiz each other on last class, somehow turning into a lecture on not judging a prospective boyfriend based purely on looks.

"Peter, have you met him?" Lupin kindly points out. "No, I'd say he's been a bit secretive."

"Maybe he's fancied Evans longer than we think," Potter fumes. "I'll be sure to beat him in that Muggle fight! Evans probably needs proof of my agility and my upper as well as lower body-"

Lily turns to Lupin, Pettigrew, and Potter. "Being in love and fancying someone are the same thing!"

"You would know, won't you, Evans?" Potter snaps. "Have you seen him naked too?"

"I told you, I accidentally walked in and clearly regret it to this day!" Lupin whispers. "Believe me, we aren't in love!" Somewhere along their years at Hogwarts, their classmates joked about Black and Lupin being and old married couple. Now, they joke about them being just a couple. It has gone too far.

"I should've chosen a different threat," Lily mutters. She snickers and walks off to the Astronomy tower by herself.


	7. Chapter 8

"What is wrong with you?" Lupin demands as he strides into the Gryffindor common room. Black perks up in the armchair he sits in.

"Nothing! Never better!" he says, grinning. Lily, sitting on the floor behind him, reading, tries to keep herself from laughing.

"What's funny?" Marlene whispers, finally looking up from her Arithmancy textbook; Mary already left for their dormitory.

"Oh, nothing," she replies. When she was younger, she used mess with her sister, Petunia, by mumbling nonsense such as jiggery pokery, hocus pocus, and squiggly wiggly and claimed they were spells. Sadly, Petunia got smarter over time, so Lily has not had this much fun in a while.

"What is wrong with you?" Potter demands as he prances into the Gryffindor common room. Black widens his eyes and cups his hands over his mouth.

"He won't say," Lupin explains, rolling his eyes. Potter glares at both of them with angered concern.

"Maybe he's pregnant," Marlene shouts. They look down at her.

"Don't you have better things to do?" Potter asks. Marlene ushers to her Arithmancy textbook and Potter turns away in annoyance.

"Remus, how much do you think Sirius weighs?" he asks. Lupin blinks in confusion.

"I'm right here!" Black protests, but Lupin seems thoughtful.

"Why might you ask?" he inquires, trying to get a good measure of Black.

"Oh, well, I was wondering how much easier it would be win in this Muggle fight."

"Right! That's still a thing!" Black says, squirming. Potter has enough and leaves for his dormitory.

"Sirius, I'm getting worried about you. Please, what's the matter?" Lupin asks. Black takes a deep breath then scampers to his dormitory. Potter then comes back down to the common room. "Going to the kitchens. Do you want anything?"


	8. Chapter 9

Over the next few days, the Hogwarts students hear rumours of Sirius Black losing his edge. He becomes moodier and surlier than usual, tensing whenever he sees Lily Evans and James Potter in the same room together. Instead of his usual reckless behaviour, he spends long periods of time locked up in his dormitory. Though Potter wants to be certain that his best friend is alright since there is no thought between them unshared, yet he wants to keep his word and act tough and masculine. Still, he remains rather excited about this whole Muggle fight. First year, he tackled Black because he took his scones that he stole from the kitchens, but no one remembers that. Now, since they are both practically men, this is Potter's chance to prove himself as a Gryffindor.

Yet, throughout the entire week, he is more arrogant that when he scored that goal in Quidditch last week. No one can go anywhere without him flaunting his physicality, strutting down hallways, and offering to carry girls' books so he can display his upper-body strength.

"WHAT HAVE I DONE?" Lupin gasps Saturday morning at breakfast. "There is no way Sirius has the will to-"

"Since when does Sirius have the will to do anything?" Pettigrew asks. Lupin thinks for a minute.

"What if James wins the fight?" Mary asks. "What's going to happen then?"

Lily reaches across the table, helps herself to some breakfast, and merely whistles.

"Alright there, Evans?" Potter asks, clearing his voice in order to sound deeper and more mature. She turns around. Potter is casually dressed in jeans and a t-shirt, but Lily cannot help but notice how adorably scrawny he looks as he strikes a provocative pose. Lily hangs her head to keep from blushing.

"Hey, James," Pettigrew squeals.

"Today's the day!" Potter bellows, making a breakfast plate. "By the way, where is he?"

"Dunno," Marlene says, slightly disappointed.

"I wouldn't eat too close to the fight," Lupin mumbles. "I don't think you'd want to vomit."

"I can always eat before Quidditch!" Potter reasons, laughing Lupin off. He scowls but lets Potter's comment go. "I mean, I haven't gotten sick yet, have I?"

"So right, James," Pettigrew agrees, shrugging to the other unimpressed Gryffindor fourth-years.

Then, walking through the Great Hall is a tall, well-built boy with an aristocratic face, striking grey eyes, and casually elegant dark hair that he pushes back. He wears combat boots, ripped jeans, a close-fitting white shirt, and a leather jacket. Marlene's jaw drops. Whether it is the shock of seeing Black in public or seeing him in Muggle clothing, the school will never know for sure. Lily finds it all amusing because he sits down at the Gryffindor table and drinks his tea like a proper gentleman.

"What is that?" Potter asks with a disgusted tone. "There is no way you can move in those clothes."

"Street fighting," Black explains suavely. "By the way, when will you like…?"

"How about now?" Potter suggests. Black shrugs and nods, setting down his tea and rising up from his seat. Potter does the same, calling for Lupin to judge who wins. Pettigrew instantly follows, then Marlene, then Lily, and finally, Mary, who is very irritated about the entire situation.

"Where are you going?" a second-year Gryffindor asks.

"James is going to fight Sirius," Marlene giddily exclaims. Soon, the entire Gryffindor table nods in agreement and follows, same with the Hufflepuffs, then the Ravenclaws, then eventually, the Slytherins. Lily never expected the whole school to come out and watch.

By the Black Lake, Potter stands yards away from Black, who stare each other down. The students crowd, push, and peek at them, trying to get a good glimpse at action that has not happened yet.

"Do you want me to count off?" Lupin sighs, sitting perpendicular to his friends cross-legged.

"Yeah. To three," Potter says in complete confidence.

"Alright. One, two-" Before he can reach three, Black lunges at Potter, hands out, knocking him backwards. Lily will never forget the look of mingled fear and surprise on Potter's confused, once-certain face, as his best friend pins him down. He kicks and tries to punch any part of Black he can, but Black adjusts his position and forces down his wild hands.

"What-what is going on here?"

The students turn around to Albus Dumbledore, calmly scolding. They part their sea of bodies to reveal a needlessly screaming Potter and Black mirthlessly laughing.

"STOP!" Dumbledore commands. Black looks up, a livid bruise around his left eye and a bloodied nose, and Potter looks forward, a grass-stained shirt and red marks on his wrists.

"Into my office, both of you!" he says. They get up and follow the headmaster, snickering at each other.


	9. Chapter 10

"Sorry, James, but Sirius won."

"He didn't even wait until three!"

"You're jealous!"

"Look at your face!"

"I pinned you down!"

"So, exactly how many detentions do you two have this week?"

"I've got at least one every day."

"So do I!"

"Want me to bring my mirror?"

"Sure!"

Lupin, Pettigrew, Potter, and Black hustle to the Greenhouses for Herbology, shoving one another along the way. With a loud crash, Pettigrew falls into some flowerpots, causing Potter to slip on clumps of mud and fall on his back. His friends laugh hysterically at him, while Lily, with her uncommon kindness, rushes over. "Are you OK?" she asks, offering him her hand. Potter is at a struggle for words.

"So, Sirius, what was the thing you couldn't tell us last week?" Lupin asks Black as Pettigrew gives over-enthusiastic apologies. Black looks crestfallen, yet merely points to Lily, sternly hoisting up Potter, who might have forgotten how to stand at the moment.


End file.
